


Dick Grayson Guest-Starred on Hannah Montana

by damthosefandoms



Series: Gotham Academy Shenanigans [3]
Category: Batman (Comics), DCU (Comics), Young Justice (Cartoon)
Genre: 14 year old dick is a piece of shit, BRUCE LOVES HIS KIDS FUCK YOU, Bruce Wayne is a Good Dad, Dick Grayson is Robin, Gen, High School, Shenanigans, Wally lives in keystone city thats in kansas theyre known for tornadoes, alcohol mention, but not a high school au theyre just in school at some points, dick just thinks elephants are Neat, fuck you he’s a good dad, like right after season 1 or during it idk, oh and Barbara is batgirl, ok im done, probably set early in the time skip, roy got cloned but he’s still not old enough to drink, there’s some swearing in this bc theyre teenagers, wally doesn’t like storms bc he got struck by lightning, who let robin get snapchat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-02
Updated: 2020-09-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:40:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26242816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/damthosefandoms/pseuds/damthosefandoms
Summary: And the Suite Life of Zack and Cody, I think.(In which Dick gets a second phone to join the Team’s snapchat group chat and does pretty much exactly what you’d expect him to do in that situation.)
Relationships: Artemis Crock & Dick Grayson, Artemis Crock/Wally West, Barbara Gordon & Dick Grayson, Bruce Wayne & Dick Grayson, Dick Grayson & Roy Harper, Dick Grayson & Wally West
Series: Gotham Academy Shenanigans [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1906318
Comments: 46
Kudos: 455





	Dick Grayson Guest-Starred on Hannah Montana

**Author's Note:**

> Today (the day I’m posting this) is my birthday, so basically if you read this today and don’t comment on this, you’re making me sad ON MY BIRTHDAY.
> 
> I’m kidding but it is actually my birthday. I’m 20! I’m old! Yuck!
> 
> Anyway these are just random scenes I thought up that I couldn’t do anything with so I decided to make it into a whole thing. Look I had school today I’m kinda brain-dead you can’t bully me on my birthday. But the purpose is to make you laugh or at least smile, so I hope it works. :)
> 
> THANKS FOR EDITING THIS DESTINY

M’gann is the one to suggest making a Snapchat group chat for the whole team. Robin frowns when he hears this. 

“That sounds like a lot of fun, M’gann, but I can’t join. Secret identity and all.” 

He looks totally bummed. Then Wally’s eyes widen, and he types something out on his phone—he shows the screen to Robin, and Robin only.

The Boy Wonder’s expression turns from disappointment to a full-sized grin after reading whatever it is Wally wrote. “On second thought, give me two days.” 

* * *

(“Your dad’s rich, dumbass, just buy a second phone.”)

* * *

Two days later, Robin shows up at Mount Justice with a brand new iPhone. The case on the phone features Dumbo, the elephant from the movie  _ Dumbo.  _ Robin makes this fact very clear when Wally drops by the Batcave so they can take the zeta tubes to Mount Justice together like usual.

“It’s Dumbo, Wally.”

“I can see that.”

“From the movie  _ Dumbo.” _

“I got it, Dick.”

“I really like elephants, Wally.”

“I know, Dick. We’ve had this talk before.”

“I just think he’s neat. He’s got big ears just like me, and mommy issues, a tragic backstory, and he’s from the circus. It’s perfect.”

“Yes, yes it is.”

So Robin gets a phone and tells M’gann to add him to the group chat. He says he probably can’t show his face much. Or send actual pictures or videos much. But it was worth it.

And he kind of lied anyway. He just sends black screens with text written on it. Whatever works, works.

* * *

The first video that Robin sends the team is one with the camera facing outward. The person holding the camera (presumably Robin) is at a golf course. He’s recording some guy (his head is cut off because of how the camera is angled) trying to hit a golf ball.

The ball, however, is stuck in a sand trap. The man is struggling to get it out.

Robin’s voice can be heard from behind the camera. He’s laughing. 

The caption reads: “I am darkness! I am the (k)night! I am a terrible golfer!”

It’s the team’s own personal Batman fail compilation, and they don’t even know it yet.

Also, Batman? Golfing? Who would guess Batman could be such a dad?

* * *

The next video Robin sends is filmed from the passenger seat of the Batmobile. It’s one of many videos they’ll eventually start to call the “bat-vlogs.” 

The video starts with a view of Robin’s face (was this kid about to take a selfie  _ in the batmobile?), _ but he quickly double-taps the screen to turn the camera. His feet are kicked up on the dashboard. You can hear Batman talking in the background.

“—aying is that if Riddler didn’t want us to figure out the clues, he shouldn’t have  _ get your feet off the dash right now or I’m making you clean it—” _

And the video ends with Robin’s signature cackle.

* * *

The camera is zoomed in on a computer screen. It’s playing an episode of Hannah Montana. Robin’s talking over the show. 

“Wally keeps telling me I sound like Jesse McCartney when I talk, but I don’t get it. He sounds nothing like me. Look,” He says. The camera focuses on the computer screen again. Jesse McCartney walks into the scene on the show—it’s the episode he guest-starred in. He starts talking and sounds exactly like Robin. 

Robin flips the camera to show his face. He’s wearing sunglasses and he looks annoyed. “I just don’t hear it,” he says. 

* * *

The next video isn’t with Batman, but seems to take place in someone’s backyard. Robin himself seems to be the subject of the video this time. He’s wearing sunglasses, despite the fact that it’s cloudy and looks like it’s about to start storming. The wind is blowing so hard that trees are shaking.

The hand holding the camera is a little shaky, probably from the wind, but who knows. Wally’s voice comes from behind the camera. Robin is attempting to climb out the window of an old treehouse. The caption on the video reads, “he kicked my football onto the roof of the treehouse and now he’s going to get it.” 

“Dude, get down from there. It’s not safe out here,” Wally’s voice says. He must be the one holding the camera. Robin ignores him. He pulls himself through the window successfully and grabs onto a big branch. 

“Man, c’mon! The wind’s starting to pick up. We have to go get inside.”

“Not until I get the footbaaaaah— _ woah!” _ Robin’s reply is cut short when the wind blows hard all of a sudden, shaking the branch he’s reaching for and pushing it just out of his reach as he grabs for it.

“Rob, there’s a  _ tornado warning.”  _

_ “You’re  _ a tornado warning!”

The first video ends there, and the following one picks up a few minutes later. This time, the caption says, “WHY DO I LIVE IN KANSAS. I HATE STORMS. AND HIM.”

Robin’s standing on the roof of the treehouse, holding a football in the air and waving. His sunglasses are sort of crooked and his shirt is ripped on the sleeve but otherwise he looks unharmed. Thunder can be heard in the background. The wind’s blowing his hair around, and the leaves are flying off the trees.

“Can you  _ please  _ get down now?” Wally says, still behind the camera.

Robin just  _ grins.  _ “I—”

Something flashes in the sky. Wally yells,  _ “Fuck!”  _ really loudly, and the phone falls to the ground. 

When he picks it up again, the camera is shakier than before. Wally’s now speed-walking (at a normal human pace) towards the sliding glass doors into the house. 

“Fuck this! I’m going inside!”

The wind’s starting to pick up and it’s hard to hear, but you can  _ just  _ make out Robin’s voice yelling,  _ “Wimp!” _

* * *

The next video is sent at 1:33 in the morning. It’s dark, but you can just make out the dashboard of the Batmobile. The car radio is playing “We Are Never Ever Ever Getting Back Together” by Taylor Swift. 

The caption says, “This is his ‘ _ we just saw Catwoman on patrol and I’m still not over her’  _ playlist. I helped him make it. He’s not a fan but he’s not complaining.”

Two more videos follow it. They’re all clips of the batmobile radio playing assorted break-up songs. 

* * *

There’s a video that’s just a full minute of Wally singing along to the Pokémon theme song because they’re having a marathon and because he  _ can.  _ Robin’s too busy laughing to participate, but of course he knows every word, too.

* * *

They also get a video of Roy, dressed in a tux at some fancy party. The team assumes they’re undercover. A waiter offers Roy wine and he takes it. Robin can be heard from behind the camera, saying, “You’re not twenty-one yet, Roy.”

He looks around, lowers his voice, and says, “If I’m old enough to get cloned, I’m old enough to get drunk.” Roy drinks the entire glass in one go. 

There’s a short follow-up video that’s just a clip of Roy ranting, “Wine is disgusting, I can’t believe people drink that crap every Sunday—”

* * *

The next one is different. It’s around midnight, and Robin’s holding the camera in selfie-mode, standing on a rooftop. He waves at the camera, then flips the screen. There’s a red-haired girl standing there in pajama pants and a sweatshirt. She looks tired and vaguely annoyed, as if her dad had brought her to work for no reason and she doesn’t want to be there.

“Say hi, Barbara!” he says. The girl stares at him, crosses her arms, and says, “Stop it, Robin.” 

He just laughs and then turns the camera towards the sky. The bat signal can be seen clearly, reflecting off the clouds.

The video is captioned, “Saw a friend on patrol tonight!” and there’s a smiley face emoji.

“Robin, turn that thing off,” Batman’s voice comes out of nowhere, and then Robin laughs again and the video ends.

* * *

The next one is just a recording of a tv screen—Robin’s in someone’s living room watching tv. They can’t see his face, so it’s safe to assume that he’s probably not wearing sunglasses.

Someone’s talking in the background, quoting the characters on the tv as they speak as if he knows every word to the episode. He probably does. The voice is vaguely familiar, but they can’t place it.

It’s actually a response to M’gann asking Robin if he wants to come to the mountain to hang out with the rest of the team since they’re off this weekend. All the text says is, “Can’t. Annual Star Trek marathon with my dad.”

Guess that explains the lack of a mission today. 

* * *

There’s a whole series of videos Robin sends to the team of himself kicking Wally’s butt in Mario Kart.

* * *

“GET WRECKED LMAO” is the white text across the faded black bar in the next video. This one, which is looped like all the others, is just a recording of Wally (in civvies, in the Batcave) trying to learn to roller skate and failing miserably. At one point he slips and slams his face into the ground.

It’s followed by a picture of him with a bandage on his nose and holding an ice pack to his forehead. He’s giving the camera a thumbs up and painful-looking grin.

“I’m telling you, Agent A works wonders. Only thing he can’t fix is Wally’s personality,” Robin writes, sending the picture to his friends.

* * *

The next video is of Robin telling the camera person, “Hold it, just like that—yeah, perfect.” He walks backwards so he’s in the frame better. 

“Hey, guys! Today I’m going to do a flip off of Wayne Tower and—”

“End up pancaked on the street?” a girl’s voice says. She must be the one holding the camera. 

Robin crosses his arms. “I  _ got this,  _ BG. You could, I don’t know,  _ believe  _ in me? Might help.”

The girl starts to say something again, but then the batsignal appears in the air, and Robin frowns. His hand goes up to his ear as if someone’s talking into the communicator.

“Busted,” the girl says. Robin pouts.

“Give me my phone back, BG,” he says, holding out his hand.

“No way,” the girl says. She taps the screen and the camera flips. A red-haired girl in a cowl can be seen now. She’s smiling. 

“Screw off, Boy Wonder, I gotta send this first,” she says, and Robin’s voice can be heard yelling, “BATGIRL, GIVE IT!” Then the camera goes all shaky and blurry and the video ends.

* * *

One video depicts Robin showing off with his bo staff, but it accidentally flies out of his hand and he flinches as it clatters to the floor. Batman’s voice can be heard in the background, yelling,  _ “I thought I told you to go to bed!”  _

Robin grabs the bo staff and rushes towards the camera to turn it off. 

* * *

At some point Artemis sends the team a video of the kids at her lunch table at school: Dick Grayson and Barbara Gordon. 

In the video, Dick can be heard saying, “—just think Robin is kind of overrated.”

Barbara responds by saying that she’s “So sick of the drama. You’re just jealous that I like him better than you.” 

Robin opens the Snapchat a few hours later and his only response is a picture of his middle finger.  _ So _ classy.

* * *

Robin sends them a picture of a toaster oven on fire with the caption “Fun fact: Batman can do anything except cook.”

* * *

Artemis asks Robin one day why he never sends Snapchats during the school day. It’s not like he doesn’t send videos of himself in civvies. He just doesn’t show his face. Why bother not doing what every other teenager does: selfies over the shoulder, quick, blurry snaps of a classroom, pictures taken of his feet in the hallways, etc.

“Secret identity. You know that.”

“But it doesn’t make sense. It’s not like seeing a picture of your classroom would give away your identity. I send pictures of  _ my _ school all the time.”

What Robin doesn’t say is that he  _ has  _ taken random blurry pictures of classrooms, and hallways, and over his shoulder and of his classmates all of that—but the only person who gets those pictures is Wally, because he really just appreciates random cute pictures of his girlfriend (and, you know, he knows).

“I take pictures of that stuff all the time, Artemis. I have a thousand pictures of me with my friends from school. You’d know that if you paid attention.”

She shrugs it off as him being a cryptic weirdo like normal. During their discussion, Wally’s standing a few feet away, texting someone. Robin’s phone buzzes, but not the one the team knows he has.

* * *

The next day in school, Dick makes it a point to take a selfie with Artemis (again). He sends it to Wally.

The caption reads, “Think she’s onto me yet?”

**Author's Note:**

> look he’s rich of course he can afford to have two cell phones it works ok
> 
> (tumblr is @damthosefandoms)


End file.
